Welcome to the final term of the year. This is a short term for students, and it will be packed full of activities, celebrations and of course, end of year exams. I trust all students have returned refreshed and ready for their learning.

Not my child

We only ever want to think the best of our children, regardless of how old they may be. From time to time our children make mistakes, just like we as adults, do. The important thing is that the mistake is acknowledged, something is learnt from the experience, and a commitment is made to trying to be better next time.

Over the years, I have sometimes heard parents say to me “not my child” and/or “my child would never lie”. Pardon the pun, but the truth of the matter is that all children lie occasionally. Some research suggests that we all lie every day of our lives! I prefer not to get hung up on the binary of truth and lies, but rather, to say to parents that sometimes, our children only tell us the bits of the story they want us to hear. They may equivocate with us, or they may leave out vital parts of an incident, story, or accident.

As humans, we lie for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes we do so to save others from carrying the burden, at other times, to protect someone else (with adolescents, usually this is a friend), or to save face, or to avoid admitting to others that we have fallen short of the mark. Occasionally, once found out, the lie is caught up in a sense of shame.

Our role as educators–not dissimilar to our parenting role–is to encourage truth telling, and to owning our own “stuff”. When an adolescent is faced with a situation where they have not been at their best, I sometimes ask which bits of the incident they wish to own – some of it, all of it, or none of it. This provides space for thinking, and “take up time”. It also gives the child some locus of control and claim responsibility for their part in the situation. If presented in a non-accusatory way, it can be empowering rather than disempowering.

By our very nature, we are flawed as humans. We are imperfect. That is ok! What we try to do is to be better tomorrow than we were today. Having frank conversations with our children/students at times is an unfortunate necessity. If we want them to grow as humans, we owe it to them to discuss and confront less than exemplary behaviour. This is love in a different guise. We do them no favours if we excuse, dismiss, or disbelieve when they have fallen short. And it does not mean they are any less worthy as a person. It is just an opportunity for an important life lesson.

Mr Jacob Knowles

Dr Craig Wattam
Principal